Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
