Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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