you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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