Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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