last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Randomize
