sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
