I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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