Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
