In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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