hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
