Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
