I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize