Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
