brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
