I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
