i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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