so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
