My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two words: blizzard sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
