i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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