Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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