Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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