i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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