just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
