im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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