Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think my moral compass just broke
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
