every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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