You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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