oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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