i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
