My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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