She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize