You're so nebulous sometimes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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