i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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