We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
