If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
