I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
