you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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