I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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