I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
