So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
