I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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