Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
