i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
