Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
