i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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