After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I AM VODKA MAN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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