im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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