I'm so fucking centered right now
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
