So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
