Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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