You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
