her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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