I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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