Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
