It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
