I want to stick my p in your. b.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
