probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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