he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Be still, my beating vagina.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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