So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
