Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
