Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
